The First one to Apologize Has It All

As a child, I was taught “The one to apologize first is the one to win.” So since I was six, I became friendlier with the word “sorry” and in whatever fight I got in, the victory was mine. Well of course I didn’t apologize without any reason (that would be lacking too much sincerity), I thought apologizing was the first step in untying the knot of misconception.

For 65 years North Korea and South Korea has been wrestling, like two little kids in a silly arm-wrestling match that yields no winners in the end. After drawing a line on the waist of a tiny country, we have been threatening each other to make Seoul and Pyongyang into a “sea of flames.” However, who is "South Korea"? Is it the South Korean government?  Or is it the military, president, or the people of South Korea? There is no correct answer to this question, but I know there is something better than figuring out who “South Koreans” are. That is, to end the fight in the first place. How? By fixing the misconceptions between North and South microscopically. I think it is time for us, individuals, to change our thoughts, offer the handshake of peace, and win this game by changing South Korea inside out.  

“U.S. official: North Korea could test firemissiles at any time”- this was the title of the head article posted on the CNN website on April 10, 2013. On the same day, the day that professionals assumed most likely for the missile to be launched, I have been asked the same question from the moment I woke up, until the instant I went back to sleep. The question my roommates, classmates and teachers asked me was, “Does your dad really say there is going to be an attack today?” (My dad works for the South Korean Army) I obviously couldn’t answer any of the questions, because I never actually asked my dad, but I realized that the huge amount of questions I received told me something about our conception towards North Korea. We actually feared North Korea for their aggressive attitude and provocation.

 

However, where is the provocation exactly coming from? Is it Kim Jung Un? Perhaps the news anchors with the threatening tone? Or the citizens in North Korea? Well, I certainly think it is not the citizens we fear and hate. Therefore, there should be no obstacle in changing our perspective towards the individuals in the North. In fact, I have a personal experience of meeting one, and even building a relationship with her family.  

When I was in nine years old and living in the states, I was lucky enough to meet a nine-year-old girl from North Korea. One night, I have even been invited to her house, to join her for supper with her entire North Korean family. It was only a few months after realizing that she was not just a “Korean” but actually a “North Korean.” For about two years, we went to the same school, lived in the same neighborhood, waved hands passing by, and became close enough to call each other friends. Nevertheless, it was on the day of “International fairs”, that I figured out her nationality after saw her under the North Korean flag, selling “Pyongyang dumplings.” It took me quite a while to digest the situation but I eventually overcame my internal dilemma and decided to keep her in my boundary of close friends. As close friends, we had “sleep-over” at each other’s houses’, our mothers arranged play-dates together, and we shared homemade dishes at potlucks. In addition, there are so many other memories, all of which switched an enemy into a potential friend.

         The most common misconception, perhaps, towards the North Koreans is that the people are all brainwashed by the government. Therefore, they can’t consider the South Koreans or any foreigners as friends. However, there is a counter example to this claim. The most famous case is that of James Joseph Dresnok, American defector to North Korea who defected at the age of 21. The documentary film “Crossing the line” shows Dresnok’s life in North Korea as an American. Here in the documentary, Dresnok introduces his North Korean “buddies” with whom he enjoys fishing and smoking together with.

         I remember watching a TED video in class, about an Israeli poster designer who was issued for uniting Israel and Iran with a poster saying “WE Israelis love Iranians” As an individual, he managed to open the gate of communication between the people of the two fighting countries, and all he did was post a poster on Facebook . Due to this, enemies started contacting each other one-to-one, chatting online, and becoming friends, clearing out misconceptions and hatred they have had for such a long time. 

Although directly communicating with the North Koreans through Facebook doesn’t seem realistic, changing our perspectives or clarifying the misconception we have with the North Koreans is just about enough for now. Henceforth, South Korea will start changing inside-out, and when the change turns out successful, we can consider changing North Koreans inside-out as well. As I said in the beginning, even a kindergartener knows better than to fight with friends and not apologize. So I suggest that we win this. Be brave to step forward and say “Let’s be friends again.”